Soon, my head was filled with tough questions about spirituality, and I realized that answers would come not just from reading books, but from a lifestyle change. I started to pray on my own, began to attend daily Mass, and started noticing the ways I was turning toward God and turning away from God in my actions.

The idea of priesthood popped into my head, and, at first, I was horrified. I had always assumed that I would eventually get married and have a family. Suddenly my desire to know Christ had snowballed into potentially destroying the future I had envisioned. On a deeper level, I felt unworthy of God’s call. I thought, “God could not be calling me to become a priest…that’s a life for people who are truly spiritual.”

Despite my reservations, I began exploring the idea of priesthood. In my discernment, I also felt called to be an ally to those without as much privilege as I had in my life. I found an immense sense of peace when I learned about the Society of Jesus, which offered a synthesis of these two vocations.

But I needed a final push. One day, I was at a library in Chicago when a bright blue book with nothing written on the binding caught my eye. I felt compelled to open it and found it was Confessions by St. Augustine. Reading it, I was blown away by the similarities between Augustine’s path to God and my own. He too made countless mistakes and needed constant nudging from God! He also felt “unworthy,” and yet was called by God to become a doctor of the Church! As I read his story, I felt I could no longer resist moving forward in my discernment of religious life.